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Keep Sex Over the Top, Not Over the Hill
The movie Something’s Gotta Give with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton, both in the 60s, may have done more for the egos and sex lives of ‘adult lovers’ than Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra!
The scene where they have sex for the first time is both hilarious and touching and speaks to the issues over 50 people have with their sexuality. He just recently had a heart attack and she, separated for years, has not had sex for a “long, long time”. Even though their sexual performance was more comical than erotic, it was fueled by their endearing emotional desire for each other and the confidence the experience gave them back. She learns that she still really likes sex and he walks away afterwards crying surprised and deeply touched by his second lease on life.
In the film, Diane’s character laments that she thought her sex life was permanently “closed for business”. I have several 55+ year old patients who are also afraid their personal shop has closed because they don’t seem to go there much anymore. Do you feel that way?
As I tell my patients, sex was meant to be a healthy part of your life for as long as you want it to be. So, let’s talk about some ways you can maintain a vibrant sex life well into your advanced years! Let me address the guys first and talk about a common problem for 50+ men, erectile dysfunction, and how it can affect your sexuality.
Do you really need one of those drugs?
We have ended up in a culture that pushes drugs on television. More and more of my male patients “of a certain age” see the TV ads for Viagra, Cialis and Levitra, think it’s the magic bullet, and ask me for a prescription. However, I would rather recommend that my patients first try some natural remedies for erectile dysfunction, such as the following:
Work out: Many cases of erectile dysfunction occur due to reduced blood supply to the lower half of the body. Try to get some aerobic exercise that mainly uses your legs like cycling, walking, hiking, playing golf, tennis, at least 30-45 minutes, 4 times a week to increase the blood flow to your lower half.
Poor nutrition/low testosterone: A diet without zinc, protein, vitamin E, and, surprisingly, cholesterol, can reduce testosterone levels that can worsen ED. Fat helps to make testosterone through cholesterol. A healthy, testosterone boosting level is about 30-40 grams of fat per day! Studies show that higher protein, lower simple sugar diets also help produce testosterone. Aim for at least 0.5 grams of protein for every lb of body weight. Additionally, supplements like Royal Maca contain natural plant sterols that boost testosterone and increase sperm levels in men. Stay away from soy because it contains plant estrogens that can reduce testosterone and increase ED. If you have eaten soy, chrysin, a bioflavonoid, will help cleanse estrogen from your system.
Mental health: Emotional problems can also cause erectile dysfunction. If you have a lot of stress, which can be common these days, your sex life can suffocate under the weight of it. Sharing your feelings with an objective friend or counselor can give you a different perspective on things. It can really help you improve mentally and physically.
Disease: Diabetes, coronary artery disease (CAD), or prostate disease can cause erectile difficulties. In diabetes and CAD, decreased blood flow is a problem, which can improve with exercise. Testosterone-decreasing drugs used to treat prostate disease can also contribute to ED.
Alcohol / Drugs: Consuming too much alcohol can also aggravate ED. If you have more than 2 drinks a day, 7 days a week, or binge drink / party on the weekend, this is too much. Similarly, many prescription medications can worsen ED, especially blood pressure medications. Ask your doctor if the medicines you are taking are absolutely necessary and/or if the dosage can be reduced. Other substances such as marijuana can also contribute to ED. Well, I would like to have a word with women over 50.
Does menopause put your sex life on hold?
As I tell my male patients with menopausal women or girlfriends, menopause can add a whole new dimension to sexuality concerns in over-50 relationships. Menopause can usher in a wave of insecurity about one’s femininity. They may see drier hair and skin, sagging muscles, weight gain and simply may not feel as attractive as they used to.
In addition, as a woman ages, the vaginal tissues undergo physical changes from the decrease in estrogen. The walls become thinner and the tissues are not as elastic. They can also experience vaginal dryness that can cause burning inflammation that causes serious discomfort during sex.
Menopausal women may have problems sleeping due to hormonal changes and simply may not have the same physical energy for sexual relations that they used to. However, there are some natural things that women can do to regain their youthful attractiveness and sex drive.
Nutritional Support: Decreases in estrogen levels can show up in how a woman looks and feels. Women don’t feel sexy if they don’t feel good or don’t feel they look good! Menopause requires much more vitamin and mineral support to do the job of reducing estrogen levels. Some menopause superstars are:
•Fish oil and Super Primrose Oil – both at 1000 mg a day – helps to fight general dryness.
•Powerhouse vitamin/mineral formula – must contain all B vitamins, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, and important antioxidants such as selenium. It should also contain the trace mineral boron, in which menopausal women are usually deficient.
•Calcium, zinc and magnesium – 1200 mg combination per day. Helps keep your bones strong, reduces muscle tension and hot flashes.
•Resveratrol (an antioxidant, anti-aging agent) – can help slow aging at the cellular level and boost your heart function with the side effect of smoothing your skin.
•Protein and biotin – keep muscles strong and hair, nails and skin vibrant by eating enough protein. Like men, women’s muscles shrink from lack of protein and lack of strengthening exercise. The skin over the muscle loosens, sags and wrinkles. Same for men, 0.5 grams of protein per lb of body weight. If you weigh 180, 90 grams of protein is your daily goal.
•Weather – dehydration is common in men and women over 50. Your skin becomes drier and less supple, more wrinkles; contributes to vaginal dryness and reduces the production of seminal fluid in men. It can also cause serious mineral imbalances that can disrupt heart rhythms.
Vaginal dryness: There are several commercial products that address this problem. Natural products include Vitamin E 1,000 mg soft gel, and extra virgin olive oil, both of which can be inserted vaginally. Both reduce inflammation and normalize the pH in the vaginal tract. The supplement Royal Maca also works its magic on women! It not only helps to reduce vaginal dryness, but can also increase your sex drive. Women in the South Seas have used it for years as a restorative menopause.
Hormone replacement therapy: Some women benefit greatly from replacing estrogen and progesterone during menopause. They can relieve vaginal dryness, night sweats, hot flashes and a number of other ailments that women don’t have to suffer with. If menopause is just too rough, consult your doctor about bioidentical hormone replacement, the one I highly recommend. It contains phytoestrogens and natural progesterone that are identical to natural, human hormones and have no side effects, or cancer risks, that synthetic hormones, such as Premarin, etc.
And now, a little advice for both of you…
Share your toys, play for a while
You may have seen hobby shops all over the place. Take your significant other and try one! You’ll find “sex enhancement” products ranging from special lingerie for her (forget the flannel!), sexy underwear for him (lock the boxers!), and a whole range of sex toys designed to stimulate your imagination as well as the rest of you !
Sex Enhancement Toys: Proven to be a great help for older lovers, because the battery or electric power can get stimulation faster and stronger than on your own. Vacuum pumps can safely help achieve satisfactory erections, even with ED. Toys and enhancement devices can be a source of pleasure that is always a welcome aphrodisiac.
There are also increased stimulation lotions for both men and women that are applied to the labial and penile skin during the first sex game. Designed for those who may have trouble “getting there”, it contains a stimulant that can help you and your partner achieve a more intense orgasm.
Sex Enhancement Supplements: Available in health food stores is an herbal product that has been used in Chinese medicine for centuries called Horny Goat Weed (really, that’s the name!), it does exactly what the title states. It contains a substance called icariin which has a positive effect on genital blood flow. May take a little longer (sometimes a few days) to work than Rx enhancement drugs like Viagra, but does not have the same side effects. However, they should not be taken if you are taking heart rhythm or blood pressure type prescriptions. Others, ashwagandha, and avena sativa, have long been used in Indian medicine for sexual dysfunction.
Well, there you have some basic recommendations that I give to my patients over 50 who complain that their sex life is not what it used to be. Basically, healthy sex, as you get older, comes down to being healthy in general. As you get older, you need to pay more attention to nutrition, sleep, stress and declining hormone levels. Your doctor can assess hormone levels and perhaps prescribe natural replacement if necessary. Try some of the suggestions listed here and see if your love life picks up some speed. Remember, too, that physical sex is only one part of being happily, romantically involved with your partner. As Jack Nicholson’s character, Harry, finds out in the film, it’s not enough to just perform physically, you have to feel love in your heart too!
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