No My Doctor Wants Me To Gain Weight The Office 15 Funny Jokes to Take to Work

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15 Funny Jokes to Take to Work

Every stressful job needs a little injection of humor to lighten up the workday. With deadlines zooming in, quotas not being met, mistakes made, boss not happy with your performance, co-workers complaining, and back-stabbing… some days the workplace can seem like nothing but one big self-esteem vacuum. Since the innate desire to cry and hit will not be acceptable, try to take two jokes and laugh your way to the next part of your day.

1. We should have known that the patient would be mean and ugly, he had different colored eyes; two of them were blue.

2. The patient started to rest after being in the hospital for a week, we know that because he finally started to watch the nurses with all five fingers.

3. The doctor put Sally on a diet, she is trying to get down to her original weight of six pounds and seven ounces.

4. You know you’ve had a hard day at work when you come home and try to open the front door of your house with your car clicker.

5. The stress level is out of control when you find yourself standing in front of the microwave at lunchtime shouting, “Almost!”

6. You know that you will work more than 40 hour work weeks when your first day on the job they give you a badge, laptop, mobile phone and a sleeping bag.

7. The barista at the company coffee shop becomes a big aggressive. First his tippot said: ‘Thanks a latte’, then he said: ‘Feeling Tipsy?’ now there is a big sign saying: ‘Don’t let me put a break in your drink!’.

8. My friends think I’m pretty and smart…that’s why they’re my friends, of course.

9. What do you call a cow without legs? Chopped

10. Why don’t cannibals eat comedies? Because they taste funny.

11. There should be more accurate names for deodorants. Why don’t they have names like, Pitt Stop, No Sweat, or for the deodorant that’s so effective you don’t even know it’s there, Vice President.

12. They should rename Starbucks to Steal-bucks.

13. I have a frog in my throat; tastes like chicken.

14. Q: What did the cow name her baby calf? A: Patty

15. Q: How much was the cow’s baby calf when it was born? A: A quarter of a pound

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