Jealous Of Girls Who Can Drink And Not Gain Weight Rape — Stranger or Date-Acquaintance – Healing is Possible

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Rape — Stranger or Date-Acquaintance – Healing is Possible

Stranger Rape

Stranger rape is non-consensual, and/or forced sex, with a woman or man who does not know her/his attacker. The definition of stranger rape is more easily accepted than intimate rape. The lack of acceptance that a rape victim receives does not limit the shame associated with rape or the trauma that the survivor feels. Ironically, stranger rape is seen as “real rape.” The image of the psychotic stranger attacking the woman is real and does occur. However, the frequency of psychotic alien rape is considerably less.

The majority of rapists usually target the victim from ‘away’. Such as: seeing her in a parking lot, walking in the neighborhood – his access to her is assured and he calculates his attack. The calculation can be immediate or over a period of time. Some rape survivors later recalled seeing the rapist but had no idea they were the target. While stranger rape is reprehensible, the road to recovery is easier than for the date/acquaintance rape survivor. This is so because with date/acquaintance rape there has been the ultimate in betrayal – the individual’s sense of trusting men has been shattered and her ability to trust her own judgment of people has been shattered.

This statement is not to devalue and diminish the experience of stranger rape. Rather, this statement is intended to legitimize all experiences of rape. It is hoped that rape survivors will encounter understanding and awareness and that professionals will recognize the possible differences in the experience of stranger and acquaintance rape.

Date/acquaintance rape

“Acquaintance rape” is sexual assault committed by someone the victim knows, such as a classmate, neighbor, friend, date, co-worker or even a husband or boyfriend. In legislation, the word “rape” is no longer used and has been extended to “sexual assault”. “Sexual assault” is any form of sexual activity (eg kissing, caressing, intercourse, etc.) that is forced upon a person, without his or her consent. This covers a wide spectrum of acts, from simple unwanted sexual touching to a violent sexual assault, and it applies equally to a stranger as well as to someone known to the victim. Essentially, any sexual activity that occurs against a person’s will is sexual assault.

“Known rape” is the most underreported form of sexual assault. More than two-thirds of reported sexual assaults are within a dating relationship. Women are reluctant to report this because society believes that a woman who was assaulted by someone she knew somehow “asked for it”. Reluctance among men to report unwanted sexual contact is rooted in a fear of ridicule for not actually having sexual contact with a woman, or in the case of male-male contact, of being labeled as homosexual. It does not matter who the assailants and victims are, nor what their gender is; ANY unwanted sexual contact is a criminal offense.

Danger signals in a relationship

Although it is difficult to accept rape from the acquaintance, it is true that in the majority of sexual assaults the victim knows the attacker. Therefore, it is important to identify the people who are potential “known rapists”. Be appropriately suspicious of people who:

o rarely listen to you, ignore you or talk about you.

o insult you or put off and reduce your statements.

o become sullen or angry when you start your wishes or ideas.

o look right through you or down on you.

o control your life – by telling you who your friends can be, telling you how to dress, insisting on making decisions about activities, etc.

o talk negatively about women or men in general.

o being jealous or possessive.

o drink or use drugs heavily

o express anger and violence against women or men through words or through physical means.

o are unable to handle sexual and emotional frustrations without becoming angry.

o have a fascination with weapons.

o talk about or do cruelty to animals, children or people he or she may bully.

o use catchy lines to get you into bed, such as: “If you loved me, you would”; “Don’t you like me?”; “I’ll kill myself if you break up with me”; “You pushed me, so now you just have to follow”; or “You know you really want it!”

The effect of rape on one’s sex life

The after effects with respect to the survivor’s sexuality are immediate. The survivor has the surreal feeling that his/her body does not belong to him/her because his/her body is the ground on which this insidious struggle took place. Touch is no longer perceived as affection, but as a violation for the survivor. Touch stops creating a bond or reassurance or soothing – it hurts and confuses the survivor. Sex now feels ‘dirty’ like the act of rape felt. Survivors sometimes have a strong aversion to (or need for) certain sex acts; feel betrayed by the body; problems with integration of sexuality and emotionality; confusion or overlap of affection, sex, dominance, aggression and violence.

The survivor may have a strong urge to express sexuality by pursuing power in the sexual arena that is sexual acting (self-abuse and manipulation, especially among women; abuse of others, especially among men; compulsively ‘seducing’ or compulsive a sexual; ‘must be or cannot be a sexual aggressor; impersonal; ‘promiscuous;’ sex with strangers at the same time as inability to have sex in intimate relationships, conflict between sex and care). Some survivors can become prostitutes, strippers, ‘sex symbols’, porn actresses; acting sexually to satisfy anger or revenge needs; ‘sexaholism’, ‘preventing’ shut down, crying after orgasm; every pursuit feels like a violation; sexualizing meaningful relationships; erotic response to abuse or anger; sexual fantasies of dominance or rape.

Rape Survivor Recovery Needs

Although the emotional impact of rape may not be felt for days or weeks, the survivor needs immediate attention from family, friends and professionals. The survivor needs you to:

o BELIEVE him/her without question and without guilt. Whatever the circumstances, he/she did not want to be raped.

o RESPECT his/her fear. Rapists usually threaten to kill their victim if he/she does not comply with all their demands. Although, rationally, the survivor knows that he/she is safe from the perpetrator, the fear remains long after the rape.

o Accept: His/her strong feelings and mood peaks and valleys.

o LISTEN without giving judgments or advice.

o CARE about and nurture the survivor. Encourage him/her to take back his/her decision-making responsibilities to regain control of his/her life.

The signs that a survivor needs professional help are:

o Sleep disturbance (inability to fall asleep, waking up frequently, sleeping more than usual, nightmares)

o Drug and alcohol abuse

o Difficulty managing daily tasks and routines

o Marital or dating problems

o Sexual dysfunction

o General fear of others

o Eating Disorders-weight gain or loss, bulimia, anorexia

o angry outbursts or generally argumentative

o Depression

o Suicidal thoughts or attempts

It is important to know that healing from rape is possible. Engaging with a specialist who provides healing in mind, body and spirit will create an effective healing process.

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