If You Gain Weight In Your Relationship You Are Happy How Can I Make My Boyfriend See That Marrying Me Won’t Tie Him Down Or Hold Him Back?

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How Can I Make My Boyfriend See That Marrying Me Won’t Tie Him Down Or Hold Him Back?

I sometimes hear from women who are very frustrated because their boyfriend buys into all the negative stereotypes that are tied to a man getting married. I heard a woman say, “I don’t understand why men believe that when they marry the woman they love, their life is suddenly over. It’s like they think there’s a ball and chain her waiting at the end of the hallway or that her girlfriend is only trying to attract and catch him so she can get fat and have sex the minute he slips a ring on her finger. These stereotypes hurt us all hurt. I don’t want to tie my boyfriend down. I don’t want to limit him. But I do want to marry him. I want us to have a happy life together. But when his friends make the ‘ball and chain’ jokes, he laughs. I just don’t get it. I know tons of married men who are blissfully happy. How can I show my boyfriend that his life is not over once we get married? He knows I want to propose to him, but he doesn’t seem to want to” do it soon. He seems to think that marrying me would hold him back.” I will address these concerns below.

Understand that he is responding to what society tells him instead of responding to how he feels about you: Don’t think for a second that this means his reluctance or even his ideas that he doesn’t love you and doesn’t want to be with you. Go to any bachelor or walk the greeting card aisles and look at the men’s cards and you will see that society’s message to single men is that getting married is like getting old and giving up. The old “ball and chain” imagery has been around for a very long time and is unlikely to diminish anytime soon. So, you can’t really eliminate social messages from your world and you can’t prevent your friend from hearing them. But what you can do is show him that your relationship is doing everything but holding him back. In fact, you need to show him that your relationship elevates him.

Make sure he knows that the last thing you want is for either of you to “settle” for everything: Do you ever notice people refer to marriage as “settling down?” Well, you don’t want him to feel like the marriage is “settling” for a second best life. Make sure your relationship is full of adventure and excitement. Make sure you don’t talk about the future in terms of settling for something other than what you both want. Make sure he knows you won’t push for a family or a certain career or home just because you’re married. Make sure he knows that you support his dreams now and that the same will be true in 10 years. Make sure it’s clear that you don’t expect him to support you financially or compromise his dreams for yours. He needs to know that you want him to share and improve your life, but not just your life.

Show him that you want to move forward with him instead of holding him back: Make sure it is very clear to him that your goal is the best, most exciting and most fulfilling life together. You want to be together because you can accomplish more together (and have more fun doing it) than you can apart. Make sure he knows you have no reason to want to make him feel like he’s missing out or needing to settle. You want him to be as happy as humanly possible because this will only make your relationship better and you don’t intend to settle either.

Admittedly, overcoming society’s not-so-nice messages about marriage can be a challenge. But over time, your friend must see that you elevate him, not hold him back. And if you see yourself pursuing your own dreams and encouraging him to pursue his, he will eventually come to believe that you don’t really need him to commit and marry you, but you want him to because you love him and you want to share your life with him.

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