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Rant – Move Over Dennis Miller – I’ve Got Some Things to Say About Health, Fitness and Nutrition
Time to get some things off my chest about health, fitness and nutrition. You may not agree with all (or any!) of these, but hopefully they will make you think!
Rant #1 – Why does everything make us fat or cause cancer?
It seems we can’t eat or drink anything these days without being told it will make us fat or cause cancer.
We try to eat canned tuna to eat less fat and we get mercury poisoning. We eat fruits and vegetables for the vitamins and fibers and the pesticides give us tumors. We eat chicken and we get mad chicken disease and now the farm raised salmon will give you the swine flu. Wine is good or bad for you, depending on whether you eat it with cheese or with crackers!
What ever happened to the good old days when we got fat from eating too much cake and we got sick from eating too much paint off the walls? Now I hear you can get cancer from worrying about getting cancer.
Rant #2 – Low-Carb Beer
Do beer companies seriously believe they can make people believe they are selling diet beer? With all their talk about who has 1 less gram of carbs in a tablespoon than the other, they seem to forget that it is actually the ALCOHOL in their product that makes you fat!
Not only does alcohol basically snuff out your fat-burning enzymes, it’s also preferentially stored as fat and seriously messes up your body’s production of muscle-building hormones like testosterone.
I think saying “low-carb” sounds better than “watered down”. Then they’ll add caffeine and Gatorade to it and call it “high-performance beer.”
Rant #3 – “Nutrient of the Week” Bandwagon Marketing
did you hear Froot Loops are now healthy because they contain added calcium! They contain added calcium because someone decided to add a big bag of chalk to the sugary goop they’re made from. You can now feed it to your sugar-crazed ADD child with a clear conscience because it is now healthy for them because it has CALCIUM.
I’ve been waiting for the day when a clever marketer takes a piece of ordinary blackboard chalk and sells it as a “Calcium Stir Stick” for your coffee.
I also just love it when a product that’s been around for 30 years suddenly announces that it’s now “fat-free” or “low-carb,” even though it always has been and everyone knows it. “Fat Free” or “Low-Carb” water is not the revolutionary product it is made out to be.
But what really takes the cake are vitamin companies that proudly jump on the nutrients bandwagon crying “Look! We’ve had it together!” if their pills are so tightly compressed and unabsorbable you can still read the brand stamp on them when they come out the other end (I have it on good authority from a certain Port-o-Potty specialist I know)!
Rant #5 – Making low carb meals out of foods that shouldn’t be low carb
Orange juice just doesn’t have to be low-carb. I don’t care what they say. If I want low carb orange juice, I’ll add my own water instead of paying the juice company to add it for me and charge me extra for the privilege. That’s all I have to say about that.
Rant #6 – Try to pass off unhealthy food as healthy
Pork Rinds Lite – now with 25% less fat, sodium, cholesterol, lead and cyanide.
Even if you take some token percentage of the bad stuff out of a bad food, it will still be a bad food. It’s like buying reduced fat lard – it’s still lard. It just has a nicer name now. Anyway, it’s so easy to reduce the fat in a serving by making the serving smaller, what’s the point? Who’s going to sit down and eat just 3 cheese curds?
If I eat a food that I know is bad, I know it’s bad, but sometimes I’ll just eat it anyway. I’m not an idiot. I won’t sue you for making unhealthy food. No one is putting a gun to my head to eat it. I don’t believe for a second that slightly reducing the “perceived stout” of a food somehow makes it “healthy” now. So try not to sugar this delicious garbage unless it is for taste.
Rant #7 – The Amazing Diet Patch
The only way you will lose weight with the Diet Patch is if you put it over your mouth. ‘Enough said.
Rant #8 – Expensive Urine and Other Supplement Bashing
There are doctors even to this day who believe that taking vitamins only results in expensive urine. They believe that you can get all the vitamins and minerals you need in a balanced diet. Unfortunately, the only balanced diet some people get is when they try to carry 3 dishes to the table in one hand.
Jumping right to prescribing expensive drugs to mask symptoms to people who are probably just in desperate need of basic nutrition is the epitome of expensive urine, in my opinion.
And then there is creatine. You may remember the buzz a few years ago when some of the “don’t-confuse-us-with-the-facts” media jumped on a story about the death of some high school wrestlers. They were taking creatine to improve their performance, so of course it must have killed them. It certainly wasn’t because they took long steam baths in rubber suits and exercised intensely without drinking enough water to desperately make weight for a wrestling match. It must have been the terrible supplement that did it because no one ever died of catastrophic dehydration or heat stroke, right?
Let me be clear – there is nothing dangerous about creatine. It is a natural substance already found in your body in quantity. It is found in every piece of meat you eat. The only way creatine can hurt you is if someone drops a bucket of it on your foot.
Supplements only seem to make the news when someone has something bad to say about it, regardless of whether it’s true or not.
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